Nerd Demographics: D&D Enthusiast

Description: I gotta tell ya, I'm a little out of my element on this one. All I know is that the vast majority are male. That's all I got.

I know, I know. How can I, the nerdiest nerd that ever did nerd, not be intimately familiar with D&D? How can I even CLAIM to be a nerd, if I have never, in fact, played a game myself? Well, I tell you why - I can't find anybody willing to let a chick join in! What the fuck? I have been DYING to play since I was about 10. In my imagination, D&D was probably the most fun you could legally have with your pants still on. I had my own Player's Handbook, 2nd ed., and a full set of my own dice, which I kept in a leather pouch. (Full disclosure: I also had a leather burning kit, so I marked the bag with an Elvish rune. I don't remember which one.)

And yet, I never found any guys willing to let me play (this was before the interwebs). Except when I was around 14, I found a group willing to let me join, but they averaged about 19-20 years old. I did hang out with them once, but I felt like a gazelle in the middle of a pride of lions. Ummmmm, no. So I just read the handbook and rolled characters for myself. Also, I got a subscription to Dragon magazine.

Even today, I STILL can't play. I met a guy my age, here in my tiny town: a successful lawyer, now married to a former cheerleader (jackpot!), who has an entire basement devoted to D&D. When I asked him if I could play, he told me his group is guys-only. It felt like the doors of heaven were slammed in my face. Denied!

So I asked my best friend, who plays down in Brooklyn. He says that one time his group invited two women to play. They spent the whole time giggling and rolling custom mage/necromancer character classes because they wanted their characters to "look kinda like a vampire". And they made the guys actually roll the characters because they didn't understand the charts. So after two hours, they had their characters. And then they never came back to actually, you know, campaign.

I guess I sympathize with the dudes. If that had been my group, I would have donkey kicked them in the ovaries. Not cool, ladies. I understand the urge to spend hours on making a character though - that might be a girl thing. I know it took me at least an hour to make an Elder Scrolls character, and yes, I did make a custom class*. But I didn't giggle the whole friggin' time.

How to make friends: Beats the shit out of me. Not have a uterus, apparently.

How to get them into bed: Fucked if I know. I was never any good at this part either. Show them your dice?

How to make enemies: "You still play D&D? Wow, I quit when I started dating."

*Ranger, which is basically Bard with Mysticism swapped for Mercantile. Female Breton, under the sign of the Lady. And you know what? I would do it again. She's awesome. And she looks hot in the Shrouded Armor from the assassin's guild. But who doesn't, really?