Please, just... no.

I was hoping I would never have to address this issue. But things have gone too far. This needs to stop.

Why, why, WHY are they making a Dragonball Z movie? WHYYYYY? And live action to boot!

There's just so many things wrong with this concept. Didn't anyone learn from Speed Racer? Dragonball Z is just a bunch of guys yelling and leaping through the air with energy lines behind their heads.

Don't get me wrong, I devoted HOURS to watching the show. It got the the point where I could tell within seconds of turning on the TV whether I had seen the episode or not. Which is saying something, because at least 63%* of every episode was made up of Gohan/Goku/Piccolo/Frieza/Cell powering up their special attack. There's only so many ways you can animate someone at the epicenter of an energy attack.

Anyway, the plot is incomprehensible. Not to say that I couldn't explain it at one point, because I watched several seasons. But making a movie-length version is just misguided. And a live-action version?!? COME ON. Not to even get INTO the issue that the people playing Goku and Bulma aren't even, you know, Asian. I just... AARRRGGHH! KATE SMASH!

And I really don't want to see James Marsters debase himself as Piccolo. I like him! His gay-off with Captain Jack in Torchwood was the highlight of season 2! How could he DO this to himself?

Oh, right... the money.

*22% was devoted to the attack itself, and the rest of the show was devoted to the aftermath/Goku eating noodles.

And here I was thinking I'd never get a date.

Well, there's always Drakmar:

I guess this is a documentary of some sort, following a 14-year old uber-nerd. His nerd weapon of choice is medieval re-enactment. Ah yes, a classic choice. Well done.

P.S. I have not actually watched any of the documentary, other than the clip above, because why in hell would I want to relive the most painful years of teenage geekdom? Gah! No thanks.

Now you too can worship an idol.

Oh, etsy. You make it so easy to find fun crap to buy. Like this Flying Spaghetti Monster ornament. You know, if you want to have a graven idol of an ancient* Geek God.

Image courtesy of Livinginthepast.

*ancient = more than two months old on teh interwebs.

I read a book!

I don't know about you, but I've become pretty picky about my choices in reading material as I become an older, more sophisticated nerd. Remember when you were 12? You'd read any old crap from the scifi/fantasy section of Waldenbooks, especially if there was some green chick with cleavage on the cover. I must have had a dozen books just by Piers Anthony alone. Not to mention the whole Weis/Hickman saga (I was a Raistlin Majere fan, I'll admit. I'm not ashamed. I was 12, for God's sake.)

But once I grew up, and I'm guessing this is true for you all too, it became harder to find the good stuff. I don't have tons of time or disposable income to spend on books anymore. If I buy a book, or get one out of the library, I want to be able to finish it, at least. I don't want to throw it across the room in disgust before the second chapter is out.

I mean, yeah, there's always Pratchett, and he's great, but sometimes you want something a little more serious and gripping. Which is why I was happy to find The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss. I read it over my vacation this summer, and it was really good. Just a solid, well crafted fantasy novel. The protagonist is a fully fleshed character, the plot is exciting, the history/world is well thought out, basically everything you'd want in a good fantasy.

I'm pointing this out because it's the first in the series, so there may not be as much hype as other authors yet. It's easy to overlook a single title on the fantasy bookshelf, when everything else is at least a trilogy. Also, the cover art is terrible. It looks like a vampire/native american/goth romance novel. Guh. It does nothing to sell the book.

Anyway, go out and buy/borrow it. I highly recommend it, if that means anything to you (NEWS FLASH: Random blogger likes book! Stampedes of fans mob local Barnes and Noble!)

Anyway, it's over 700 pages, so block out some time. I'm looking forward to re-reading it when I have some time to really devote to it. And keep your eye out for the sequel. Should be good.

Maybe I just have bad taste

I just read on io9 that David Twohy is trying to make two sequels to Chronicles of Riddick. Okay, so for me, that is good news, because I loved that movie. I thought it was just great. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Karl Urban in a fancy helmet, I guess.

But not a lot of other people feel that way, apparently. It got a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, and even the "good" reviews basically said that the movie was dumb. So I never bothered to see it in the theaters, and only found out I liked it when it started showing on TV.

This happens to me a lot. I read reviews, just like everyone else, and if a review is shitty, I don't go to see the movie. But I'm starting to think there should be a different set of critics for sci-fi movies or something. I've watched tons of movies that got lukewarm reviews, or were outright panned, and I liked them just fine. Time Machine, Aeon Flux, Constantine, Blade Trinity... I thought all of these movies were enjoyable. Maybe not the best movies ever, but definitely worthy of a Sunday matinee, at least.

So I was happy to see a lot of the comments on io9 for the Riddick thing were from people who also liked the movie.* I mean, I can totally be fine with having crappy taste in movies. That's okay with me. I'm just not convinced that all of these movies I like are genuinely bad. It seems like movies in other genres, like comedy, get a pass for a stupid premise or a crappy script as long as the comic timing is good. Case in point: Zoolander, Dodgeball, Anchorman. Don't get me wrong, I love these movies.Hi-larious.

But a crappy sci-fi script, even with the most utterly awe-inspiring effects ever to sear themselves on to your eyeballs, is still dismissed as not having any substance. Huh? Isn't awesome special effects and amazing sets and costumes the reason we go to see these movies? I mean, I didn't watch Dodgeball because I wanted to experience the agony of being an underdog - I saw it because Ben Stiller looks funny in that wig. And apparently, that was enough for critics to praise it as goofy fun. But Chronicles of Riddick, which in the words on of io9 commenter was "the best Dune since Dune," (no argument there!), is dismissed as goofy fun.

I don't get it. I know, let's make up a conspiracy theory about it. Yeah!


*Before devolving into the inevitable squabble over which was better, Chronicles or Pitch Black. Sigh. Nerds.

History + Webcomics + Canada = AWESOME.

Okay, if you haven't already discovered the total awesomeness that is Kate Beaton, you are really missing out:


I'm sorry, but writing webcomics about historical events is just plain funny. It just is. Go to her site because they are all great. Also, she has a Livejournal account, where she also does comics about her life. Just go and bask in the delicious Canadianess of it all. I love it.

I demand Playstation cease blowing my mind with these games.

Cease and desist, I say!

I like you, whoever you are.

I parked behind this car in Saratoga this morning.

That makes me happy.

Must get PSP NOW!

I MUST HAVE THIS GAME:




Why is this only for PSP? Oh, the humanity!

In honor of my impending Aunthood

So, I figure, I'm gonna be an Aunt in a matter of hours. Yes. My sister-in-law is about to have a baby. Time to start outfitting her appropriately. Luckily, we have Etsy:

Here's Teedious' Etsy shop, for more info. In the meantime, let's all get ready for baby Julia!

Is anyone else excited about this?

I don't know, people. I honestly just don't know. I can't bring myself to be excited about Star Trek XI, per se, but by the same token, I am curious. Especially since Simon Pegg is involved. And Karl Urban. I really like those guys. And I'm one of those fools who somehow believes that the mere presence of a favored actor is enough to make something worth watching.

Yeah, I've sat through a lotta crap on that account. Bubba Ho-Tep comes to mind.

But still... the marketing looks good, everyone seems excited, J.J. Abrams is involved... people seem to like Lost, and Cloverfield, right? I dunno. I don't want to get my hopes up, is all I'm sayin'.

Get ready, WoW folks.

Get ready to spit in your hand, that is.

Kotaku is reporting that the new opening cinematic for the Wrath of the Lich King expansion will be shown at the Games Convention this week. Hooray! I don't play WoW myself, because I sold my soul and free time to TES, but I hear the cinematics are pretty damn good.

Nerd Demographics: D&D Enthusiast

Description: I gotta tell ya, I'm a little out of my element on this one. All I know is that the vast majority are male. That's all I got.

I know, I know. How can I, the nerdiest nerd that ever did nerd, not be intimately familiar with D&D? How can I even CLAIM to be a nerd, if I have never, in fact, played a game myself? Well, I tell you why - I can't find anybody willing to let a chick join in! What the fuck? I have been DYING to play since I was about 10. In my imagination, D&D was probably the most fun you could legally have with your pants still on. I had my own Player's Handbook, 2nd ed., and a full set of my own dice, which I kept in a leather pouch. (Full disclosure: I also had a leather burning kit, so I marked the bag with an Elvish rune. I don't remember which one.)

And yet, I never found any guys willing to let me play (this was before the interwebs). Except when I was around 14, I found a group willing to let me join, but they averaged about 19-20 years old. I did hang out with them once, but I felt like a gazelle in the middle of a pride of lions. Ummmmm, no. So I just read the handbook and rolled characters for myself. Also, I got a subscription to Dragon magazine.

Even today, I STILL can't play. I met a guy my age, here in my tiny town: a successful lawyer, now married to a former cheerleader (jackpot!), who has an entire basement devoted to D&D. When I asked him if I could play, he told me his group is guys-only. It felt like the doors of heaven were slammed in my face. Denied!

So I asked my best friend, who plays down in Brooklyn. He says that one time his group invited two women to play. They spent the whole time giggling and rolling custom mage/necromancer character classes because they wanted their characters to "look kinda like a vampire". And they made the guys actually roll the characters because they didn't understand the charts. So after two hours, they had their characters. And then they never came back to actually, you know, campaign.

I guess I sympathize with the dudes. If that had been my group, I would have donkey kicked them in the ovaries. Not cool, ladies. I understand the urge to spend hours on making a character though - that might be a girl thing. I know it took me at least an hour to make an Elder Scrolls character, and yes, I did make a custom class*. But I didn't giggle the whole friggin' time.

How to make friends: Beats the shit out of me. Not have a uterus, apparently.

How to get them into bed: Fucked if I know. I was never any good at this part either. Show them your dice?

How to make enemies: "You still play D&D? Wow, I quit when I started dating."

*Ranger, which is basically Bard with Mysticism swapped for Mercantile. Female Breton, under the sign of the Lady. And you know what? I would do it again. She's awesome. And she looks hot in the Shrouded Armor from the assassin's guild. But who doesn't, really?

Awww!

Just found out about this via Gawker.

The Anhk-Morpork Knitters Guild presented Terry Pratchett with an afgan/quilt they made for him after he was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's. That's so sweet, I don't even know what to say. Good show, UK Pratchett Fans/Knitters!

Image via BoingBoing.

Moffat wins a Hugo!

Hooray! Steven Moffat won a Hugo award - his third in a row - for writing the episode "Blink" of the 2007 series of Doctor Who. He won the year prior for "The Girl in the Fireplace". Both absolutely outstanding episodes, my favorites from each season. Seriously, were you not totally disappointed when Sally Sparrow failed to become the new companion after Martha? She was so fantastic.

Anyway, this bodes well for the next season, because as you now doubt know, Moffat is taking over for Russell T. Davies for the fifth season of "new" Who. I know there's some controversy about that, because Who fans being what they are*, everything is a source of controversy. Controversy or squee.

*Don't you even start - I'm a HUGE fan. I had Doctor Who wallpaper on my computer at work for YEARS. It would still be there, in fact, except I have a laptop now and it gets a little weird at meetings when you have the Face of Bo pop up before the powerpoint slides kick in.

Totally Subjective Gaming Review: Braid

Let's see, checklist for the perfect Kate game:

Features little round people as main characters? Check.
Beautiful, spare orchestral score? Check.
Gorgeous visuals? Check.
Time travel? Check.
Priced under $20? Check.

Okay then. I guess we're done here.

Braid is a new game available on the Xbox Arcade. If you wanna know more about the game developers and crap, look at some real reviews. I don't know about that stuff. I DO know that this game is fantastic. It's tough to describe, but imagine if Mario was a guy pushing 30 who realizes he let the Princess get away. That's basically the story - about a guy piecing together why his relationship fell apart. The only thing he can do, aside from jump and walk, is go back in time and try to fix his mistakes.

So even though it looks like a normal platform crawler, it's actually a puzzle game. Even with the ability to go back in time, it is still a bit tricky. Especially if, like me, you're not so good at jumping on top of things. As a result, I've only played a couple of the worlds at this point. According to Kotaku, a real gamer would probably be able to get through the whole thing in six hours. Yeah. I kind of suck.

The only thing I'd warn you about is that the story is melancholy. As I said, it's all about thinking back on your failed relationships. So, maybe you might want to think about that if, say, you're currently, oh, I dunno, coming to grips with your impending divorce. Yeah. Hits a little close to home. Ahem. Moving on.

So go buy it! Now now now! This is a great deal on a great game and in six months when all your hipster friends are talking about it, you wanna be able to say you played it first.

Totally subjective review rating: Flawless Victory.

Nerd Demographics - Band Geek

This is the first in our series exploring and celebrating the glorious cornucopia that is nerddom. Because who doesn't love the application of subjective nomenclature? I mean, really.


Description: In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention here that not only do I have a degree in music, I also attended band camp when I was in high school. For three years. BAND CAMP, people. So I know from Band Geeks. Just sayin'.

It's easy to spot Band Geeks when you're in high school or college - they're the ones in marching band uniforms, lugging a trombone case on to the bus, or wearing a piano scarf/tie. Successful Band Geeks will then go on to become music teachers. If they have truly attained Nerdvana, Band Geeks will become music professors, or professional musicians.

But some go underground after school is done. Some Band Geeks, myself included, look just like other nerds. We could be the girl at the coffee shop! That guy two cubicles over! We could be watching you RIGHT NOW. So here's some handy tips to spot underground band geeks:

1. They laugh at the jokes no one else laughs at in MST3K. There's a shit ton of insider musical jokes in MST, (Mike Nelson = underground Band Geek), so if you don't get the reference, it's probably about some obscure 20th century composer.

2. Tapping fingers. See someone wearing headphones at work? Watch their hands. If they are not only tapping their fingers, but appear to be mimicking the fingering on an instrument, there's your answer. If they do it with two hands, you're looking at a pianist. If they touch their fingers into their thumb, like they're counting, they play a wind instrument. If they only use three fingers - trumpet or french horn. Three fingers, but really fucking slow? Tuba. (Feel free to mock the tubists. They're used to it.)

3. Music detritus. This requires a little detective work, but sometimes underground Band Geeks have telltale paraphernalia hanging around their house. Look for: coffee mugs that say "AbsoFLUTEly!"; small equipment like reeds, rosin, neckstraps, key oil, music stands; more than one CD of the same symphony, just with different conductors.

How to make friends: "You know, I like the 5th and the 9th okay, but I think that my favorite Beethoven symphony is the 7th."

How to get them into bed: Say the bit about the 7th, and then say, "I love the play on the fugue in the second movement."

How to make enemies: "Yeah, I played trumpet till the seventh grade, then I quit to join football."

Because you can't go naked

We all know half the fun of being a nerd is dressing the part. Like our white people cousins, we love a good T-shirt. And who doesn't? They're delicious. And the perfect attire for the 9-hour gaming binge, ham-radio convention, or pilgrimage to that comic book shop three states over. You know the one.

Here's one of my personal favorites, from Amorphia Apparel.




It also comes in red, if, like me, you are a nerd who's not afraid of wearing a red shirt. Hey, no random phaser blasts yet! I like to live on the edge.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

First things first. Has this been around for six years? Yes. Is it still valid today? Yes.




So, thanks, Brunching Shuttlecocks, because otherwise we'd have no way to measure up.