NERDVANA

Wow.

2009-02-12T15:35:00.002-05:00

Okay. This is fantastic. This is a story, not just about a dead star. And not just about a star that shoots death rays.

But about a DEAD STAR THAT SHOOTS DEATH RAYS. According to Scientific American, at least.

That is so freaking awesome. Thanks, io9, for bringing us this installment of Space Porn.

I think I ruptured something, guys.

2009-02-08T13:00:00.003-05:00

Okay, this made me laugh HARDER THAN ANYTHING IN THE HISTORY OF LAUGHING. You MUST read this.

The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings.

I don't even know who Rob Liefeld is (well, I do now, obviously) but this is made of pure, uncut, 100% win. Enjoy.

And many, many thanks to Dan for passing it along.

Judgment Time

2009-01-30T12:37:00.002-05:00

So. Just what the hell is my problem, huh? Why haven’t I posted anything to this page in, like, forever?

I know. Excuses, excuses. The actual, real, really for real reason is that I don’t have internet access at my house right now. I have to steal wifi from a super weak signal, so all I have patience for is checking email and Facebook. Posting blogs and images and links is just too much for my intermittent interwebs. Also, you can totally forget about Xbox Live.

And it doesn’t help that I don’t have TV either. I can’t talk about any new geek-related goings on, since I have no idea what’s happening. Final Cylon? Beats me. Doctor What Now? No clue. Lost? Well, I never watched Lost anyway.

So where does that leave the loneliest nerd? Well, I’ve been chasing easter eggs in Bioshock. I’ve been practicing clarinet a bunch. And I’m learning to read the Tarot without looking up every single card. But to be frank, I’ve been engaging in some behavior which is essentially antithetical to the Nerdiverse: I’ve been going out and spending time with friends.

I know, I know. Please don’t tell anyone. They’ll revoke my Nerd License if they find out I have a social life. Look, eventually I’ll be wired again and I’ll be able to talk about the latest Star Trek trailers and such. So do a girl a favor, will ya, and just keep news of this little dark time to yourself? I’m doing my best here. I have a whole box set of Robin of Sherwood DVDs to watch, so I promise I’ll be back in shape in no time. Really. Cross my heart.

Be seeing you.

2009-01-15T17:10:00.003-05:00

I found out this morning that Patrick McGoohan died. He was 80. This made me unutterably sad.

McGoohan was one of the creative forces behind The Prisoner, one of my favorite shows. In addition to starring in the show as No. 6, he also wrote and directed many of the episodes, using various aliases. He even helped write the theme song.

I recently watched all of the episodes of The Prisoner over the course of a couple of days. I watched it so much I inadvertently started using the Village Salute. It's really a work to be commended for its vision, use of symbolism, and perspective.

Anyway, I have nothing to add to the many obituaries celebrating his life and work. I just wanted to say that I'm sad he's gone.

Eureka!

2008-12-09T21:03:00.004-05:00

I'm not the only one who thinks science is funny. Here's proof:

Oh yeah. Punnett squares = comedy gold. Thanks babybeebooks!

In case you haven't checked it out, Beartato can be found on Nedroid, which is basically made of awesome. You should become addicted to it the way I am. It's what all the hep cats are doing these days.

I can't stop messing!

2008-12-09T10:31:00.003-05:00

Okay, so here's the final version of the desktop. I got rid of Rainmeter, because I don't really need it, and I futzed with the background and icons (I actually made a couple of these icons myself). I'm pretty pleased with the results:

Wintastic.

2008-12-07T21:53:00.002-05:00

Check your HUD finally unveils the mystery of the Square Enix archetype. I love it.

It's the most nerdiest time of the year.

2008-12-07T17:26:00.004-05:00

I love Christmas. No, listen. I LOVE Christmas. I am one of those people who is literally full of Christmas cheer between Thanksgiving and New Year's. Yes. And don't even set your phasers to "scorn" - I am immune.

Let's be honest. Nerds can be a... cynical demographic, myself included. In an effort to spread the cheer, I am requesting you spend 55 seconds watching this video*. Thank you for your cooperation.

*This is my Dancing Santa music box. It is about thirty years old and was purchased for me in Japan by my aunt and uncle. It is one of my most cherished possessions. Don't you judge me.

My new obsession.

2008-11-25T17:09:00.002-05:00

I recently caught on (some would say I grokked) to the lifehacking trend of customizing your desktop.

I'm a nerd, but not a computer geek. So I never spent any time thinking about my desktop, really, aside from occasionally wiping off the gazillion old shortcuts that accumulate or changing the wallpaper. But I've been reading lately about how the look and feel of your desktop can improve your productivity. The theory being that the more icons and alerts you have going, the more distracted you will be.

So I downloaded a couple of little gadgets (namely Rocketdock and Rainmeter) and made myself a fresh new look:

I'll let you know how it goes as far as improving my productivity. I'm still tweaking the icons a bit as well. Looks cool, anyway.

Grumblecakes.

2008-11-20T16:42:00.001-05:00

So a quick search of the blogosphere shows that everyone is wetting themselves over the new Xbox Live Experience.

Yeah. Um. Huh?

I mean, yes, the new features are great - Netflix on demand, easier party systems, and the community games stuff. Yay. Fine.

My biggest problem is the look and feel of the dashboard. For one thing, forcing me to create a Mii-knockoff avatar is ridiculous. I mean, yeah, I did it, and she looks exactly like me, (except with fangs). But why? If I wanted to dick around with a cutesy-wutesy avatar of myself, I'd turn on my fucking Wii!

To make it even more jarring, I deliberately chose a grim, urban dystopia for my dashboard theme. So now when I log on, there's a roly-poly avatar of me admiring her shoes and looking coquettish, except she appears to be dropped into a set from Blade Runner.

And the other problem I have is that the dashboard now seems to be chock full of advertisements. The new interface has about eight menus, including Spotlight (on things you can buy), Game Marketplace, Video Marketplace, and Inside Xbox (added content for things you can buy). It's also very graphic-heavy, so to see your gaming acheivements, you have to flip through pictures of the covers of the games. It just feels very much like living inside a flier for Target or something.

Anyway, rant over. What did you guys think?

I heart this.

2008-11-14T11:37:00.002-05:00

Clippity for you guys:

Thanks, Matt!

Avoidance is not an option

2008-11-13T09:42:00.006-05:00

I was hoping to avoid this topic altogether, but they threatened to take away my nerd license if I didn't come down on one side or the other. So here goes: Steampunk. Sigh.

If you've been avoiding the internets for the last year, maybe you're not up on Steampunk. It's a design movement which attempts to merge Victorian sensibilities into modern technology, mainly through modifying the outward appearance of stuff so that it looks, well, antique. Also, wearing goggles seems to be important too. Never forget the goggles.

Anyway, some people have spent hours and hours modding their laptops, cell phones, etc., and then posted the pictures on the interweb. This has caused no end of controversy, mainly between the "hey, that looks cool" camp and the "that's utterly fucking pointless" camp.

Okay, yes, I do think it looks cool. But I think the TUFP camp is missing the point by a long shot. Most of the arguments seem to be that the steampunkers are merely changing the appearance of the object without adding anything to the function, and therefore is an exercise in futility. I think this comes from a lack of understanding into the importance of design in our daily lives.

Design is a bellwether to our cultural sensibility, and speaks to our collective values as a community. Most laptops and technology are designed to value ergonomics (it can't hurt your thumbs), efficiency of resources (it needs to be made cheaply), and finally aesthetics (nobody likes ugly stuff). Sleekness is valued highly right now, as well as innovative user interfaces: the iphone is a great example. The design of technology, like the design of anything else, has quite a bit of back-and-forth between the function of the object and the means by which it can be produced.

This is evident in any major design movement. Art deco favored clean lines and smooth surfaces, in large part to take advantage of new materials (plastic) and new means of production (big efficient factories). Mid-century modern favored "space-age" textures and shapes, both as a reflection of where the world was at the time, as well as better and better technologies to mass-produce items cheaply. And so forth.

So the point of my little lesson [adjusts pince-nez] is that, steampunk, like many other artistic movements, is about highlighting our collective values by providing a stark contrast. Steampunk, as it modifies objects, values craftsmanship over efficiency, aesthetics over ergonomics. Is it "pointless" to glue a brass gear onto an object that doesn't run on gears? Well, it certainly doesn't change the mechanism by which the object functions. But it does serve to highlight both the beauty and obsolescence of gears, which magnifies the actual technology in contrast.

In a way, steampunk also speaks to the collective anxiety hanging over our society: by allowing us to surmise how our lives would look if our society had evolved with different sensibilities, we can also imagine how our lives would be different in this parallel universe.

It is always valuable for a society to question its values in design. In as much as steampunk continues to provoke a dialogue, I think it's very useful as a aesthetic movement.

Except for the goggles. They are dumb.

Keyboard image courtesy of The Steampunk Workshop
Goggle image courtesy of Steam Gear Lab

Totally Subjective Gaming Review: World of Goo

2008-11-12T09:36:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, my mother downloaded World of Goo for her Wii. Before I begin the review, let me just give props to my mother, who in her life has variously owned and played on an NES, SNES, Gameboy, GameCube, Nintendo DS, Wii, and PC. And sometimes she plays on my PS2 and Xbox 360. Yes. She is the gamingest mom ever. It is awesome.

Anyway, World of Goo: fun. You have to engineer these little goo blobs into various structures - towers, bridges, etc. It can be tricky, especially if you don't have an intuitive understanding of geometry and engineering. It can also be tricky if you do have an intuitive understanding of geometry and engineering, especially if you and your mom happen to be consuming wine.

But really, the frustrations are worth it. The different kinds of blobs have different characteristics, and they blink at you, which is just about the cutest thing ever. The graphics are bright and cheery, the music is entertaining, and the sound effects are catchy and amusing. It kind of reminded me of the Pikmin games in look and feel (only 2d of course).

And it's also fun to watch someone play. It LOOKS easy, so it's the kind of game that invites the player to shout "Well, then, YOU try it, smart ass," and throw the Wii remote at you, and then you try it, and it's really hard and you feel like an idiot, and the other person gets to feel smug. What more could you ask for, for $20? So get it, already.

The Great Conjunction

2008-11-11T11:01:00.002-05:00

I have three words for you, friends: German. Metal. Polka.

Did you just hear angels singing? Are you sitting in a pool of light, blessed by the very knowledge of this phenomenon? Well, you should be. Get on that, would you?

It's true. It's the Polkaholix, a band whose mere existence fills me with joy. Of course, their music also fills me with joy too. Seriously, take a listen.

I met a fellow nerd at one of those wine parties who schooled me on this. It was like a Tupperware party, only, you know, with wine. Anyway, this chick named Cheryl, who was pretty awesome in that not only did she play the clarinet, she plays the clarinet in a polka band, had a CD of the Polkaholix in her car. We listened to it with the hostess before the other non-nerd guests showed up. Hearing a mixture of Rammstein and polka just doesn't put everyone in a wine-buying mood, I guess. Go figure.

Nerd Demographics: Niche Geek

2008-11-06T14:29:00.006-05:00

When you get right down to it, the very essence of being a nerd is an intense interest in something unpopular. So, really, all geeks are niche geeks, whether it be for a game or a TV show or a hobby. But there are some interests out there that are so microscopic in their scope, so wildly unpopular, that they don't even warrant a separate cohort in the nerd demographic spectrum.

We're talking Ham radio, model trains, Frank Zappa fans. We're not talking chess tournaments, folks, we're talking Boggle.

For ages, niche geeks were the lowest on the nerd pecking order. They couldn't band together the way Star Trek fans could, so they were lonely. And they might not be smart enough to get full scholarships to Ivy League Schools the way math and science geeks could. Most went underground and pursued their hobbies in secret.

But then. Then! Teh Interwebs! Now every niche geek could geek out exponentially! Harry Nilsson fans could trade mp3's of old demos! Fans of The Prisoner could start flame wars about the identity of Number 1: it was the midget butler... no, it was Number 6! Fans of tentacle Hentai could rejoice in their disgusting, filthy habits!*

A funny thing happened, though. As these micro-hobbies were exposed to the light of day, some of them suddenly became Hip. Because nothing is hipper than having an ironic interest in something no one else likes. This is a double-edged sword for the niche geek. A good example is knitting. Couple years ago, only grandmas and niche geeks knitted. Now, you can't walk through a downtown without tripping over three places called some variant of "Stitch 'n' Bitch". Even my tiny town, population 14,000, has a yarn shop now. Re-donk.

Not to say knitting isn't a fun, rewarding activity: it totally is! Absolutely! But it kind of sucks when something you love, yet have been ostracized for, becomes the Next Big Thing. Because then you are in the position of seeing the thing you love be taken over by Hipsters, and god forbid, become Popular. Shudder.

My advice to the niche geek in this position? Take advantage of it. If possible, trade this new found popularity in your interest into something good, like contributing to a blog or getting laid. Because once the Hipsters decide something even more obscure is fun, you will be left with trying to explain to people that, no, really, you were into knitting WAY before it became popular, seriously.

How to make friends: Listen to them talk about their hobby without yawning.

How to get them in bed: Leave a positive comment on their blog.

How to make enemies: If the hobby is currently hip, insinuate that they only like it because it's popular and/or ironic. If the hobby is currently outre, Don't bother making enemies. They're pathetic enough.

*Seriously? That shit is GROSS.

Finally!

2008-11-06T10:04:00.004-05:00

Election's over, everyone! You know what this means? That's right! A return to web comics that are actually funny, rather than a pathetic attempt to find a glimmer of sardonic humor in the face of impending doom!

I mean, much as I enjoyed seeing the foibles of Sarah Palin in lo-fi, 2D format, it's nice to go back to funnies that are actually funny:

Super-Fun-Pak Comix, Courtesy of Ruben Bolling/Tom the Dancing Bug via Salon

I knew this day would come.

2008-10-29T19:46:00.003-04:00

David Tennant is leaving Doctor Who. I... I can't even talk about it.

Sigh. If you want the official word from BBC, they have a little video about it, with an interview. A little video that just crushed me into utter devastation, is all.

Oh, David, you will be missed.

This one's for you, Spraggs!

2008-10-28T10:31:00.003-04:00

Coming soon to an Xbox Live near you: Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix.

Image courtesy of Capcom, via Kotaku.

Halloween! Yay!

2008-10-26T15:35:00.006-04:00

Let's be honest. Halloween is a chance for nerds to really shine. It's the one time of year where you get props for knowing the meticulous details of your favorite scifi/fantasy/horror movie/game/book. It's the only day where explaining the nuance of your Klingon Dress Battle Raiment to a drunk frat boy in a dress won't get you clocked.

This year, I went as Shaun, of Shaun of the Dead. I think the costume was a success, in that at least five people got very excited to point at me and say "You've got red on you!" The costume got more authentic as the night went on, because at one point I hugged a zombie and got blood all over my shirt. I didn't make a headband of the tie, though.

There were quite a few awesome nerd entries, including a couple with a shower/skeleton Karate Kid theme. There were two guys dressed as Andy Warhol (luckily from different eras, otherwise that would be AWKWARD), a droog, a gnome, and a Big Lebowski.

I have to give credit to two guys, though, for really bringing out the geek. First, my friend Buckley, who went as Gambit:

I'm a terrible photographer, so you're not getting the full effect of the outfit. Obviously though, guy knows his Gambit - the pose alone is a shining testament. I was very impressed, even though Gambit is my least favorite X-men.* He was also concerned that he couldn't find a brown trenchcoat and had to go with a gray one. Awesome. He couldn't convince his wife to go as Rogue, unfortunately.

But the ultimate win of the night goes to Cory, who went as Slob Robin, or Slobbin, as we were calling him:

People, this is COMMITMENT TO A BIT. Any costume that involves specifically shaving to give yourself a Fu Manchu is automatically made of pure uncut win. He didn't wash his hair for days, either. And last but not least, letting his gut hang through the costume was absolute gold.Sorry, ladies, he's taken.

*Seriously, playing cards? PLAYING CARDS? Come on. And his accent is ridiculous.

But what about BOY HERO?

2008-10-23T09:07:00.006-04:00

FINALLY! A look inside Toxic Avenger: The Musical. Io9.com did up a little mini-doc about the musical based on everyone's favorite Troma pic, complete with a bit of the song "Hot Toxic Love". Check it out!

Thanks io9! Now I don't have to go down to New Jersey.*

*Thank God.

Made of WIN.

2008-10-16T00:09:00.003-04:00

Too tired to do anything but link:
Cthulhu Movie Pitch

The Disney-esque font on the Lovecraft is the best part.

Of course he's awesome.

2008-10-11T10:18:00.002-04:00

In news that should surprise precisely no one, David Tennant is receiving critical praise for his new role in Love's Labour's Lost. Apparently he was awesome in Hamlet with Patrick Stewart, and he is also killing as Berowne, that signor-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid,
Regent of love-rimes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces
Sole imperator and great general
Of trotting paritors...

Sigh. I lurve me some Tennant. His oath would not be safe with me around, I can tell you!!! I'd be his Rosaline, wink wink! I'd wait a year and a day! Oh, Shakespearean humor. Nothing could be less funny.

It's so stimulating being your head.

2008-10-06T20:57:00.005-04:00

I picked up a cheap DVD of Labyrinth the other day. I haven't seen it in ages, but on the whole, it fared well against the test of time. Kind of a trip down memory lane. I was never a huge Labyrinth fan, but there were also a couple of genuinely funny scenes. And the creature effects were fabulous, as always.

As a kid, it certainly cemented a lifelong love for David Bowie. This might have had something to do with some halfway decent songs he wrote for the flick, like this one, which featured some awesome 80's production values, fantastic sparkly masks, as well as Jennifer Connelly's teeth*.

Or, on second thought, it may have had a little to do with the costume design, which I found absolutely captivating as an 11-year old girl:

Nah, it was the music.**

*Does she have, like, the sexiest front teeth ever, or is it just me? If teeth can be classified as sexy.

** Seriously though, put some pants on that dude. That movie made me feel funny as a kid. Leggings are not for everyone.

Maybe they need new writers?

2008-10-05T19:28:00.003-04:00

Judge for yourself. Forty + years of the same question, and it still never gets old:

Thanks for finding this, io9! And thanks for sifting through ten generations, NoDaylight!

My brain just exploded.

2008-09-27T10:54:00.005-04:00

Okay guys, I promise after this I won't post anything about gaming for like, a week. But this news, via Kotaku, is too cool NOT to mention:

Level 5 Games is teaming up with Studio Ghibli to make an RPG, called Ninokuni: THE ANOTHER WORLD. Unfortunately, the game will be for the Nintendo DS. Which I don't have.

In case this news is meaningless to you, let me explain. Level 5 is an independent game developer, responsible for some of the best games I've ever played, including the Dark Cloud series, and Dragon Quest VIII, my all-time favorite game ever in the history of the universe. Um, I like the game, is what I'm saying.

Studio Ghibli, meanwhile, is the anime movie studio responsible for my favorite movie, Spirited Away. A couple other people liked it, too.

So, to wrap up, this promises to be one of the best partnerships EVER. I only wish I was going to be able to play it myself. Sigh. Isn't that always the way?

How do you spell "ambivalent"?

2008-09-26T20:37:00.002-04:00

Okay. Er. I guess Disney is planning a huge comeback for the Muppets. That's good, right? The world needs more Muppets, right? Even if Disney is behind it?

I dunno... I think we can file this one under "careful what you wish for", folks.

Like a virgin

2008-09-26T11:28:00.002-04:00

Last night I expanded my nerd universe by a thousand fold. You know I'm an avid gamer, but I've always stuck just to RPG's. And puzzle games. Oh, and versus fighting games. But that's it.

Yesterday, though, I took a plunge and tried a whole new genre: first person shooter. Holy f*ckin' crap, people. SO AWESOME.

The general consensus is that a lot of women don't like first-person shooters. I'm too lazy to look up any statistics for this, but I've seen lots of articles speculating on why this is the case. Theories range from inherent male bias in game design, to the "fact" that women are worse at spatial relations than men. (Note to my readers: even if this is true, never bring it up around me, unless you want to test my spatial perception in terms of my ability to punch you in the face.)

Anyway, I know why I never played first-person shooters: I sucked at them. No one likes to play a game that is too challenging. If you die fifty times in the first level, it's no fun. But a couple of people pointed out to me that I play Oblivion in first person, which does require a fair amount of hand-eye coordination and camera control. So I thought I'd give some shooters a try.

I went into GameSpot after work yesterday and picked up a used copy of BioShock. This accomplished two objectives. First, I saved a couple of bucks. Second, I got a huge ego boost by impressing the clerk because I knew Gore Verbinski might make a movie version. Seriously, I think I'm his dream girl now. He had nice sideburns.

ANYWAY. Getting off track here. Point is, the game was awesome. I had to force myself to stop playing after an hour. It was not at all as difficult as I remember and I had no trouble with the camera or aiming or any of that stuff. And the graphics also totally fascinated my mom, who plunked herself down on the floor next to me and watched me play for like, 45 minutes.

So, in conclusion, I had a great time sitting in my parents' basement playing BioShock with my mother. Don't you wish you were me?

Takes my breath away.

2008-09-25T10:48:00.008-04:00

I'm just gonna be honest here. This sculpture collection gave me chills the first time I saw it. It still does:

It's a series by Jason deCaires Taylor. He installed the pieces in the ocean in the West Indies. The sculptures are gradually becoming part of the underwater ecosystem. They act as an artificial reef, of sorts, with coral and various biota becoming part of the installation. Each piece changes over time, becoming more and more a part of the ocean, until they are a ghost of life on land.

I've always been attracted to art that explores the beauty of decomposition, especially in man-made materials - the way metal rusts, wood grays and splinters, concrete spalls. These themes speak to me because I respond to the loneliness of post-apocalyptic environments - what the world would look like if any of my favorite sci-fi disasters actually occurred, empty and broken.

At first glance, the underwater works would seem to explore a similar vein: the longer the sculptures remain underwater, the less they resemble their original forms. However, what Taylor has done is to create pieces not based on decomposition, but on composition - the forms that seem to decay are actually becoming more and more alive, despite transforming into spectres of their original selves. This lends an alien quality to the work which I find very appealing. He has created a little world down there, a parallel universe; Pompeii as Atlantis. Brilliant. Beautiful.

All images copyright Jason Taylor, 2007.

Also, there's this.

2008-09-24T10:34:00.002-04:00

I NEED that T-shirt.

Level up!

2008-09-24T09:09:00.003-04:00

So after months of intermittent lobbying by my friend Badpie, and then a solid weekend of nagging by her husband M@, (no doubt on her behalf,) I am almost convinced to get a World of Warcraft account.* I might split the difference and get an Xbox Live gold account so I can play Halo or something with them before I dive into full Massively Multiplayer mode.

Sigh. I am a solitary gamer, people. It's in my blood. I play games to get away from people. But I'll admit, the prospect of getting to play with people I actually know is kinda tempting.

But I'm not quite convinced. However, a week or so ago Maggie from Kotaku divulged that she is in the same boat. In this article, she writes about her first foray into MMO territory, which doesn't sound too bad. And there's also this article from Only a Game, which gets into the differences between solitary and social gamers. Central to the difference is the experience of "fiero", which is the feeling of having triumphed over adversity. Apparently MMO's stimluate fiero in people more than solitary games.

Okay, so I'm just realizing that I have just quoted a statistical study on the emotional response caused by different kinds of VIDEO GAMES.

I think that means I just went up a nerd level. Yay?

*This is fair. I am actively feeding her Oblivion addiction.

What's one more clip?

2008-09-19T10:41:00.003-04:00

Too busy packing/cleaning/getting ready to move for any real posts. So here's another clip!

This one's from Mirrormask, a 2005 movie with a Neil Gaiman script and effects by Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Not the greatest movie ever, but it is visually stunning, which is basically all the excuse I ever need to watch something:

Down for scheduled maintenance

2008-09-18T10:36:00.004-04:00

That would be me. Yeah, feelin' a little blue lately, can't deny. But you know what makes me feel better? BUCKAROO!

Yes, that is what I need: Buckaroo Banzai. Perfect Tommy. New Jersey. And of course, the inimitable John Parker.

Hey man, nice jacket! What's in the big pink box?

Field Manual

2008-09-16T10:47:00.003-04:00

Obviously, I don't need this book. This information is tattooed on my mitochondria. But some of you might be interested.

In fact, I'm kinda disappointed there's not a book that goes the other way: A Guy's Guide to Dating a Geek. Because there are differences, you know. Girl geeks don't smell bad, for one. Er, that's it, actually. Hmmm. Well, thanks anyway, ThinkGeek.

Twelve times bitten, er, thirteen times shy?

2008-09-14T09:54:00.002-04:00

I'm torn. Really, I am.

SquareEnix released a long-awaited RPG for Xbox 360: Infinite Undiscovery. Now, to be honest, when I first came across the trailers for the game, I mistook it for a Final Fantasy sequel. It has a very similar graphic sensibility, tons and tons of characters, you get the idea.

So I was a little disappointed. I love SquareEnix with the heat of a thousand suns, and they produced some of my favorite games ever (well, Squaresoft did). However, I am not a fan of Final Fantasy.

This may surprise you, given my propensity to love all RPGs. But it's true. I gave up on Final Fantasy after I put away my SNES. I mean, I gave it another chance when I got the PS2, and bought XII. I think. Is that the one with all the singing? I get 'em mixed up. Anyway, I only played for a couple of levels before I gave up. It was unbearable. For one thing, the singing-as-special-skill idea is ridiculous. Also, it was plagued by the same problems I've always had with FF: way too many characters, overly melodramatic storyline (seriously, it's a friggin' soap opera, right?), overly complicated gameplay. Give me Dragon Quest any day.

Anyway, because of this, I pretty much wrote off Infinite Undiscovery. But then I found out it is not, in fact, a FF game. So I poked around a bit on Kotaku, and found out that maybe it's worth trying. The gameplay is apparently pretty intuitive, especially in the battles. And I watched a better trailer, which made me a little more interested in the world they created:

Infinite Undiscovery 'Story' trailer

So, again, I'm torn. Pros: great graphics, interesting concept. Cons: corny shouting-out-special-attack combat, kind of silly voice on the main villain. But still, definitely worth a rental, right? I just can't bring myself to buy it at this point, at least not until I get an idea of the melodrama quotient. What do you guys think?

When wood burning kits go wrong...

2008-09-10T16:29:00.004-04:00

Okay, I'll admit. I think this is pretty cool. Ultra dorky? Yes. Borderline creepy, greasy-haired-stereotypical-pagan? You betcha. But what can I say? IT'S GOT RUNES ON IT. I must have a set.

Elder Futhark Runes Set.

You win again, Etsy, with your array of geekery. You win again.

Nerd Demographics: Chick Gamers

2008-09-10T12:00:00.008-04:00

Description: Chick gamers are a rare and wonderful breed. Gaming is an overwhelmingly male pastime, so my dude friends assure me that finding a female to play video games with (or against) is pretty special. The sign of a true chick gamer is that she plays for herself and by herself, not just to impress guys. If you're not sure, look for these clues:

More than one platform in the house.
Upgraded hardware (nicer controller, bigger hard drive, etc.).
Turn on the console (or PC). Dedicated profiles are a must.

Lucky for you, I happen to have some experience in this arena, so I prepared this chart illustrating the female gaming continuum:

How to make friends: Ask to borrow their copy of Bioshock (or Katamari Damacy, or Soulcalibur IV... you get the picture.)

How to get them in bed: Challenge them to a game. You don't have to let them win; chances are they'll kick your ass regardless. The excess adrenaline will work to your advantage, believe me. (Note: chick gamers are ALWAYS good in bed, so this is a worthy endeavor.)

How to make enemies: "Oh, is this your ex-boyfriend's copy of Gears of War?"

Confession: I get bosons and fermions mixed up.

2008-09-09T09:10:00.003-04:00

Okay everyone, gird your loins. Tomorrow's the day they turn on the Large Hadron Collector. And you know what that means! The Higgs boson! Micro black holes! Possible other dimensions! Strangelets!

Or, you know, nothing. Meaning, nothing you or I can understand anyway. But still, my heart trembles at the prospect of getting closer to figuring out the Standard Model. Even though I don't know, um, what it means, exactly.

Mmmm... physics. Can't you just smell it in the air?*

*No.

Artsy!

2008-09-08T11:56:00.006-04:00

I think it behooves me to use this space to celebrate the art of our geek brethren. There are a lot of creative types out there who have taken a break from rolling twelves and paused their fights with the big boss to create some truly incredible art.

So, to kick off my series, here's some works by Nemo Gould, brought to my attention by the good folks at io9:

He makes each piece out of recycled materials. The pictures are a little deceiving; the toad is about 8" high, whereas the squid is over 6' tall. Just to give you a little perspective.

Pretty cool, eh?

Brain... filling with... politics....

2008-09-05T07:44:00.003-04:00

Okay okay okay. Enough! Let's all take a nice break from looking at coverage of the RNC (finally over, yay!) and watch these trailers from one of my favorite indie scifi flicks, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. Politics will still be there in two minutes.

Yet another reason to move to England.

2008-09-03T15:54:00.001-04:00

Because seriously, this is just cool. BBC is reporting that this 50-ton mechanical spider, currently hanging from the side of a building in Liverpool, will come to life on Friday and start moving around the city. It is fully articulated and will apparently climb down the wall.

But why? you may well ask. In the good ol' US of A, this would almost certainly be part of an expensive promo for a blockbuster movie or a new TV show. But, no. The Brits are doing it just because it's cool, and there's an arts festival going on.

I don't even have the words for how cool this is.

Image courtesy of news.bbc.co.uk

Must have!

2008-09-03T09:09:00.003-04:00

I need this set of posters. And so do you.

Blue Sun Travel Posters.

Thanks, ThinkGeek! You always have the best stuff.

R.I.P.

2008-09-02T13:46:00.002-04:00

Sad news. Don LaFontaine has passed away. Trailers just won't be the same without him. We will never be transported by the magical phrase "in a world" again.

Sigh.

Please, just... no.

2008-08-29T12:34:00.002-04:00

I was hoping I would never have to address this issue. But things have gone too far. This needs to stop.

Why, why, WHY are they making a Dragonball Z movie? WHYYYYY? And live action to boot!

There's just so many things wrong with this concept. Didn't anyone learn from Speed Racer? Dragonball Z is just a bunch of guys yelling and leaping through the air with energy lines behind their heads.

Don't get me wrong, I devoted HOURS to watching the show. It got the the point where I could tell within seconds of turning on the TV whether I had seen the episode or not. Which is saying something, because at least 63%* of every episode was made up of Gohan/Goku/Piccolo/Frieza/Cell powering up their special attack. There's only so many ways you can animate someone at the epicenter of an energy attack.

Anyway, the plot is incomprehensible. Not to say that I couldn't explain it at one point, because I watched several seasons. But making a movie-length version is just misguided. And a live-action version?!? COME ON. Not to even get INTO the issue that the people playing Goku and Bulma aren't even, you know, Asian. I just... AARRRGGHH! KATE SMASH!

And I really don't want to see James Marsters debase himself as Piccolo. I like him! His gay-off with Captain Jack in Torchwood was the highlight of season 2! How could he DO this to himself?

Oh, right... the money.

*22% was devoted to the attack itself, and the rest of the show was devoted to the aftermath/Goku eating noodles.

And here I was thinking I'd never get a date.

2008-08-28T21:17:00.007-04:00

Well, there's always Drakmar:

I guess this is a documentary of some sort, following a 14-year old uber-nerd. His nerd weapon of choice is medieval re-enactment. Ah yes, a classic choice. Well done.

P.S. I have not actually watched any of the documentary, other than the clip above, because why in hell would I want to relive the most painful years of teenage geekdom? Gah! No thanks.

Now you too can worship an idol.

2008-08-27T11:55:00.004-04:00

Oh, etsy. You make it so easy to find fun crap to buy. Like this Flying Spaghetti Monster ornament. You know, if you want to have a graven idol of an ancient* Geek God.

Image courtesy of Livinginthepast.

*ancient = more than two months old on teh interwebs.

I read a book!

2008-08-27T10:10:00.002-04:00

I don't know about you, but I've become pretty picky about my choices in reading material as I become an older, more sophisticated nerd. Remember when you were 12? You'd read any old crap from the scifi/fantasy section of Waldenbooks, especially if there was some green chick with cleavage on the cover. I must have had a dozen books just by Piers Anthony alone. Not to mention the whole Weis/Hickman saga (I was a Raistlin Majere fan, I'll admit. I'm not ashamed. I was 12, for God's sake.)

But once I grew up, and I'm guessing this is true for you all too, it became harder to find the good stuff. I don't have tons of time or disposable income to spend on books anymore. If I buy a book, or get one out of the library, I want to be able to finish it, at least. I don't want to throw it across the room in disgust before the second chapter is out.

I mean, yeah, there's always Pratchett, and he's great, but sometimes you want something a little more serious and gripping. Which is why I was happy to find The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss. I read it over my vacation this summer, and it was really good. Just a solid, well crafted fantasy novel. The protagonist is a fully fleshed character, the plot is exciting, the history/world is well thought out, basically everything you'd want in a good fantasy.

I'm pointing this out because it's the first in the series, so there may not be as much hype as other authors yet. It's easy to overlook a single title on the fantasy bookshelf, when everything else is at least a trilogy. Also, the cover art is terrible. It looks like a vampire/native american/goth romance novel. Guh. It does nothing to sell the book.

Anyway, go out and buy/borrow it. I highly recommend it, if that means anything to you (NEWS FLASH: Random blogger likes book! Stampedes of fans mob local Barnes and Noble!)

Anyway, it's over 700 pages, so block out some time. I'm looking forward to re-reading it when I have some time to really devote to it. And keep your eye out for the sequel. Should be good.

Maybe I just have bad taste

2008-08-26T11:32:00.005-04:00

I just read on io9 that David Twohy is trying to make two sequels to Chronicles of Riddick. Okay, so for me, that is good news, because I loved that movie. I thought it was just great. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Karl Urban in a fancy helmet, I guess.

But not a lot of other people feel that way, apparently. It got a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, and even the "good" reviews basically said that the movie was dumb. So I never bothered to see it in the theaters, and only found out I liked it when it started showing on TV.

This happens to me a lot. I read reviews, just like everyone else, and if a review is shitty, I don't go to see the movie. But I'm starting to think there should be a different set of critics for sci-fi movies or something. I've watched tons of movies that got lukewarm reviews, or were outright panned, and I liked them just fine. Time Machine, Aeon Flux, Constantine, Blade Trinity... I thought all of these movies were enjoyable. Maybe not the best movies ever, but definitely worthy of a Sunday matinee, at least.

So I was happy to see a lot of the comments on io9 for the Riddick thing were from people who also liked the movie.* I mean, I can totally be fine with having crappy taste in movies. That's okay with me. I'm just not convinced that all of these movies I like are genuinely bad. It seems like movies in other genres, like comedy, get a pass for a stupid premise or a crappy script as long as the comic timing is good. Case in point: Zoolander, Dodgeball, Anchorman. Don't get me wrong, I love these movies.Hi-larious.

But a crappy sci-fi script, even with the most utterly awe-inspiring effects ever to sear themselves on to your eyeballs, is still dismissed as not having any substance. Huh? Isn't awesome special effects and amazing sets and costumes the reason we go to see these movies? I mean, I didn't watch Dodgeball because I wanted to experience the agony of being an underdog - I saw it because Ben Stiller looks funny in that wig. And apparently, that was enough for critics to praise it as goofy fun. But Chronicles of Riddick, which in the words on of io9 commenter was "the best Dune since Dune," (no argument there!), is dismissed as goofy fun.

I don't get it. I know, let's make up a conspiracy theory about it. Yeah!

*Before devolving into the inevitable squabble over which was better, Chronicles or Pitch Black. Sigh. Nerds.

History + Webcomics + Canada = AWESOME.

2008-08-23T09:28:00.004-04:00

Okay, if you haven't already discovered the total awesomeness that is Kate Beaton, you are really missing out:

I'm sorry, but writing webcomics about historical events is just plain funny. It just is. Go to her site because they are all great. Also, she has a Livejournal account, where she also does comics about her life. Just go and bask in the delicious Canadianess of it all. I love it.

I demand Playstation cease blowing my mind with these games.

2008-08-21T15:44:00.000-04:00

Cease and desist, I say!

I like you, whoever you are.

2008-08-21T10:50:00.001-04:00

I parked behind this car in Saratoga this morning.

That makes me happy.

Must get PSP NOW!

2008-08-20T22:56:00.002-04:00

I MUST HAVE THIS GAME:

Why is this only for PSP? Oh, the humanity!

In honor of my impending Aunthood

2008-08-19T15:23:00.004-04:00

So, I figure, I'm gonna be an Aunt in a matter of hours. Yes. My sister-in-law is about to have a baby. Time to start outfitting her appropriately. Luckily, we have Etsy:

Here's Teedious' Etsy shop, for more info. In the meantime, let's all get ready for baby Julia!

Is anyone else excited about this?

2008-08-19T13:49:00.005-04:00

I don't know, people. I honestly just don't know. I can't bring myself to be excited about Star Trek XI, per se, but by the same token, I am curious. Especially since Simon Pegg is involved. And Karl Urban. I really like those guys. And I'm one of those fools who somehow believes that the mere presence of a favored actor is enough to make something worth watching.

Yeah, I've sat through a lotta crap on that account. Bubba Ho-Tep comes to mind.

But still... the marketing looks good, everyone seems excited, J.J. Abrams is involved... people seem to like Lost, and Cloverfield, right? I dunno. I don't want to get my hopes up, is all I'm sayin'.

Get ready, WoW folks.

2008-08-18T15:41:00.003-04:00

Get ready to spit in your hand, that is.

Kotaku is reporting that the new opening cinematic for the Wrath of the Lich King expansion will be shown at the Games Convention this week. Hooray! I don't play WoW myself, because I sold my soul and free time to TES, but I hear the cinematics are pretty damn good.

Nerd Demographics: D&D Enthusiast

2008-08-18T14:11:00.005-04:00

Description: I gotta tell ya, I'm a little out of my element on this one. All I know is that the vast majority are male. That's all I got.

I know, I know. How can I, the nerdiest nerd that ever did nerd, not be intimately familiar with D&D? How can I even CLAIM to be a nerd, if I have never, in fact, played a game myself? Well, I tell you why - I can't find anybody willing to let a chick join in! What the fuck? I have been DYING to play since I was about 10. In my imagination, D&D was probably the most fun you could legally have with your pants still on. I had my own Player's Handbook, 2nd ed., and a full set of my own dice, which I kept in a leather pouch. (Full disclosure: I also had a leather burning kit, so I marked the bag with an Elvish rune. I don't remember which one.)

And yet, I never found any guys willing to let me play (this was before the interwebs). Except when I was around 14, I found a group willing to let me join, but they averaged about 19-20 years old. I did hang out with them once, but I felt like a gazelle in the middle of a pride of lions. Ummmmm, no. So I just read the handbook and rolled characters for myself. Also, I got a subscription to Dragon magazine.

Even today, I STILL can't play. I met a guy my age, here in my tiny town: a successful lawyer, now married to a former cheerleader (jackpot!), who has an entire basement devoted to D&D. When I asked him if I could play, he told me his group is guys-only. It felt like the doors of heaven were slammed in my face. Denied!

So I asked my best friend, who plays down in Brooklyn. He says that one time his group invited two women to play. They spent the whole time giggling and rolling custom mage/necromancer character classes because they wanted their characters to "look kinda like a vampire". And they made the guys actually roll the characters because they didn't understand the charts. So after two hours, they had their characters. And then they never came back to actually, you know, campaign.

I guess I sympathize with the dudes. If that had been my group, I would have donkey kicked them in the ovaries. Not cool, ladies. I understand the urge to spend hours on making a character though - that might be a girl thing. I know it took me at least an hour to make an Elder Scrolls character, and yes, I did make a custom class*. But I didn't giggle the whole friggin' time.

How to make friends: Beats the shit out of me. Not have a uterus, apparently.

How to get them into bed: Fucked if I know. I was never any good at this part either. Show them your dice?

How to make enemies: "You still play D&D? Wow, I quit when I started dating."

*Ranger, which is basically Bard with Mysticism swapped for Mercantile. Female Breton, under the sign of the Lady. And you know what? I would do it again. She's awesome. And she looks hot in the Shrouded Armor from the assassin's guild. But who doesn't, really?

Awww!

2008-08-17T18:32:00.002-04:00

Just found out about this via Gawker.

The Anhk-Morpork Knitters Guild presented Terry Pratchett with an afgan/quilt they made for him after he was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's. That's so sweet, I don't even know what to say. Good show, UK Pratchett Fans/Knitters!

Image via BoingBoing.

Moffat wins a Hugo!

2008-08-17T13:34:00.001-04:00

Hooray! Steven Moffat won a Hugo award - his third in a row - for writing the episode "Blink" of the 2007 series of Doctor Who. He won the year prior for "The Girl in the Fireplace". Both absolutely outstanding episodes, my favorites from each season. Seriously, were you not totally disappointed when Sally Sparrow failed to become the new companion after Martha? She was so fantastic.

Anyway, this bodes well for the next season, because as you now doubt know, Moffat is taking over for Russell T. Davies for the fifth season of "new" Who. I know there's some controversy about that, because Who fans being what they are*, everything is a source of controversy. Controversy or squee.

*Don't you even start - I'm a HUGE fan. I had Doctor Who wallpaper on my computer at work for YEARS. It would still be there, in fact, except I have a laptop now and it gets a little weird at meetings when you have the Face of Bo pop up before the powerpoint slides kick in.

Totally Subjective Gaming Review: Braid

2008-08-17T12:49:00.007-04:00

Let's see, checklist for the perfect Kate game:

Features little round people as main characters? Check.
Beautiful, spare orchestral score? Check.
Gorgeous visuals? Check.
Time travel? Check.
Priced under $20? Check.

Okay then. I guess we're done here.

Braid is a new game available on the Xbox Arcade. If you wanna know more about the game developers and crap, look at some real reviews. I don't know about that stuff. I DO know that this game is fantastic. It's tough to describe, but imagine if Mario was a guy pushing 30 who realizes he let the Princess get away. That's basically the story - about a guy piecing together why his relationship fell apart. The only thing he can do, aside from jump and walk, is go back in time and try to fix his mistakes.

So even though it looks like a normal platform crawler, it's actually a puzzle game. Even with the ability to go back in time, it is still a bit tricky. Especially if, like me, you're not so good at jumping on top of things. As a result, I've only played a couple of the worlds at this point. According to Kotaku, a real gamer would probably be able to get through the whole thing in six hours. Yeah. I kind of suck.

The only thing I'd warn you about is that the story is melancholy. As I said, it's all about thinking back on your failed relationships. So, maybe you might want to think about that if, say, you're currently, oh, I dunno, coming to grips with your impending divorce. Yeah. Hits a little close to home. Ahem. Moving on.

So go buy it! Now now now! This is a great deal on a great game and in six months when all your hipster friends are talking about it, you wanna be able to say you played it first.

Totally subjective review rating: Flawless Victory.

Nerd Demographics - Band Geek

2008-08-17T09:19:00.006-04:00

This is the first in our series exploring and celebrating the glorious cornucopia that is nerddom. Because who doesn't love the application of subjective nomenclature? I mean, really.

Description: In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention here that not only do I have a degree in music, I also attended band camp when I was in high school. For three years. BAND CAMP, people. So I know from Band Geeks. Just sayin'.

It's easy to spot Band Geeks when you're in high school or college - they're the ones in marching band uniforms, lugging a trombone case on to the bus, or wearing a piano scarf/tie. Successful Band Geeks will then go on to become music teachers. If they have truly attained Nerdvana, Band Geeks will become music professors, or professional musicians.

But some go underground after school is done. Some Band Geeks, myself included, look just like other nerds. We could be the girl at the coffee shop! That guy two cubicles over! We could be watching you RIGHT NOW. So here's some handy tips to spot underground band geeks:

1. They laugh at the jokes no one else laughs at in MST3K. There's a shit ton of insider musical jokes in MST, (Mike Nelson = underground Band Geek), so if you don't get the reference, it's probably about some obscure 20th century composer.

2. Tapping fingers. See someone wearing headphones at work? Watch their hands. If they are not only tapping their fingers, but appear to be mimicking the fingering on an instrument, there's your answer. If they do it with two hands, you're looking at a pianist. If they touch their fingers into their thumb, like they're counting, they play a wind instrument. If they only use three fingers - trumpet or french horn. Three fingers, but really fucking slow? Tuba. (Feel free to mock the tubists. They're used to it.)

3. Music detritus. This requires a little detective work, but sometimes underground Band Geeks have telltale paraphernalia hanging around their house. Look for: coffee mugs that say "AbsoFLUTEly!"; small equipment like reeds, rosin, neckstraps, key oil, music stands; more than one CD of the same symphony, just with different conductors.

How to make friends: "You know, I like the 5th and the 9th okay, but I think that my favorite Beethoven symphony is the 7th."

How to get them into bed: Say the bit about the 7th, and then say, "I love the play on the fugue in the second movement."

How to make enemies: "Yeah, I played trumpet till the seventh grade, then I quit to join football."

Because you can't go naked

2008-08-16T12:46:00.003-04:00

We all know half the fun of being a nerd is dressing the part. Like our white people cousins, we love a good T-shirt. And who doesn't? They're delicious. And the perfect attire for the 9-hour gaming binge, ham-radio convention, or pilgrimage to that comic book shop three states over. You know the one.

Here's one of my personal favorites, from Amorphia Apparel.

It also comes in red, if, like me, you are a nerd who's not afraid of wearing a red shirt. Hey, no random phaser blasts yet! I like to live on the edge.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

2008-08-16T12:18:00.004-04:00

First things first. Has this been around for six years? Yes. Is it still valid today? Yes.

So, thanks, Brunching Shuttlecocks, because otherwise we'd have no way to measure up.